Naughty or Nice? Santa's Clauses

December 24, 2001 ( ? Not that there is a standard life insurance policy for 'jolly old elves,' but Northwestern Mutual's underwriters have devoted some time to the topic of insuring a man with one of the most unusual jobs on the planet.

So, if you run into him tonight, you might want to let him in on the following ‘list’ of considerations (which Northwestern assures has been checked twice);

  • Fly “Buy” – while most experienced pilots are acceptable risks, the practice of landing on rooftops is a ‘non-traditional’ venue, and might require an additional premium, despite Santa’s excellent safety record.
  • Chimney Sweep – Northwestern likens Santa’s practice of sliding down chimneys to skydiving (we think smoke-jumping is closer) and notes that, having successfully completed five free-fall jumps, he would likely qualify for life insurance ? albeit with a modest extra charge for this activity.
  • Jelly “Jar” – He may be jolly, but Northwestern notes that since all insurance applications are evaluated according to height, build, blood pressure and family history, Santa’s girth would likely add up to a modest premium increase.
  • Pipe “Dreams” Sorry, Santa that pipe will cost you.
  • Travel “Plans” While Santa will no doubt be traveling to places both hospitable and not, since Santa is in the unique position of being a ‘universal citizen,’ Northwestern opines that no travel would be “foreign” to him.

But, since in the final analysis, the price of life insurance is predicated on the ability to determine the age of the insured.Northwestern company executives believe it would be impossible to determine how much Santa Claus would be charged for the life insurance.

Santa Claus is, after all, ageless.