SURVEY SAYS – If You Had a Life "Do Over", Would You?

July 30, 2009 (PLANSPONSOR.com) - This week I also asked readers, If you had a life 'do over' - what (if anything) would you do differently?

Only 14% said they wouldn’t change a thing – but even more than sharing what they said they would change, readers were good enough to expand on those life choices.

Just under 12% would change their college major, 9.6% would change the amount of their schooling, while 8.4% each would change college or spouse(s).   Roughly 8% would change their job, and 1.1% would change…their kids.  

“Other” Regrets

That said, most of this week’s responses – 38.8% – opted for “other.”   Common themes were a better job/life balance, more time with kids and/or parents, more savings, less debt, marrying later, going to college earlier, to have more fun in college – and to have less fun in college – and, as a couple of readers suggested, “It depends on what level of knowledge I would have to start the “do over”. If I knew then what I know now, I would invest heavily and regularly in Microsoft as it was introduced.”

And there were a LOT of fun verbatims:

"When you fall in love, you go into an insane state of mind whereby someone is temporarily given control over your life; and, that's when you make your biggest mistake. Love's great, but not to the point of losing sight of who/what YOU are and where you are [wanting] to go in Life [unless, of course, the other half has the exact wants/needs/desires/dreams/plans as you do].

"Just one do over choice is definitely not enough!"

"I would not change a thing. I made mistakes - but they were life lessons."

"If I only knew half then, of what I know now....I would have been a dangerous man!"

"Not be so worried what other people thought of me and also to have an understanding that older doesn't mean wiser."

"We all should read more Mark Twain."

I wouldn't do anything different with my life. It may be crazy and some days I wonder what life would be like in different circumstances, I don't think it would be as good any other way.

"On the "do over" issue . . . . I would tell a young lady graduating today to: 1. Establish your own credit and bank accounts and keep them separate from that of a boyfriend or a spouse. 2. Don't change your name when you get married. Keep your own identity. 3. Don't marry your first boyfriend. Who you are and your goals in life at 18 will dramatically change by the time you are 25."

"Interesting question. What I would really like is a line item veto - remove a particular job or experience - but life isn't that way. If I changed something like that - even something that was miserable (and maybe especially if it was miserable) - it would change something about everything else in my life (like how I decided to take my next job and my perspective when I did take it) and there are parts of my current life that I wouldn't change a bit. So, I guess my answer is "not a thing" - but that doesn't mean I liked all of it (or even still do) but I like enough of it to keep it this way.

"Not judge myself so harshly. Guess I can still fix that one. :-)"

"I would have finished college, not married when I did, saved more, given more to charity, not changed jobs back in 1998, spent more time with my Dad and my kids, eaten better, ...but you get the idea.   I also would have asked Robin to the prom instead of Cheryl.   Now that was really dumb."

"I wish I'd had a greater exposure to careers, before I had to make a decision or I fell into the career. It may not have made a difference, but I would have felt better about my direction."

But this week's bonus Editor's Choice goes to the reader who said, "All things considered, I believe that I have received and lived the life that I was supposed to live, and I am happy with that. I have very few regrets, and I have been blessed far more than I have deserved."

Thanks to everyone who participated in our survey!

  • I don't know if I would change anything.   I'm pretty happy with where I am now and changing any one thing in the past would probably have changed how things turned out.
  • Fish more and drink more wine.
  • I wouldn't have married my ex!   Hindsight is a wonderful thing.....
  • It's a toss-up between moving out of my parents house sooner or not dating a co-worker!
  • I'd do EVERYTHING differently!   I would forget about the opposite sex and concentrate on education, career, and personal goals; and, most importantly, I WOULD NEVER AGAIN LET ANYONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE'S DREAM(S)!
  • I would not have listen to my mother and gone to Paris to fulfill my passion to become a Chef
  • Learned to have more confidence in myself at an earlier age.
  • I regret not switching majors from finance to computers - from something I had/have no interest in to something that seemed somewhat absorbing.   People who tell me - with apparent sincerity - that they like/love what they do fill me with a jealous rage, although I'm happy for them, of course.   But what would life be like if you enjoyed yourself during MOST of it?
  • It was either a Hitchcock or Twilight Zone TV show that allow three people to re-live their life. All three made the same mistakes, lived their life the same as they had,,,
  • Tough question.   I'd like to go back and do college in the "normal" order - I worked full time and it took me a very long time to get even an associates degree.   But then again, if I had done things differently my life would probably be different.   And I'm not sure I'd like that since I love my life now.
  • Schooling does not match current career path, not surprising but I'd still do it differently.   More importantly, I'd erase the time in my life where I worked long hours and didn't exercise. The resulting effects are hard to get lose!!
  • My first reaction was I wouldn't change anything. The experiences I've had have made me who I am today. If forced to pick something, I would have had more fun in college. My senior year is when I finally came out of my shell. Better late then never!
  • I would take greater advantage of some of the professional opportunities I had which might have led me to have an even more successful career.
  • "I think I would have double-majored in college; mainly because I loved school and besides pursuing music, I could have focused on my business acumen long before I went hungry 🙂
  • It's amazing how life's journey leads you to places you never expect, yet usually rewards you in some fashion."
  • I would have finished college, not married when I did, saved more, given more to charity, not changed jobs back in 1998, spent more time with my Dad and my kids, eaten better, ...but you get the idea.   I also would have asked Robin to the prom instead of Cheryl.   Now that was really dumb.
  • Switch jobs but not careers
  • Would have paid a lot more attention in school and have been an awesome veterinarian.
  • Take advantage of the opportunities that presented themselves
  • I would have thought less about financial security and more about finding a career that I could be passionate about.   That being said, I still love my job in HR.   I'd also spend more time volunteering!!
  • I would have definitely studied more in college so that I could have kept my scholarship money.   Stuck for 10 years with student loans definitely opens your eyes.
  • Not judge myself so harshly.   Guess I can still fix that one.   🙂
  • Chances are a "do over" in any of the specifics listed, or similar ones, wouldn't really make life or the person drastically better, merely different in an area, so why wish for that?   The only difference or change that would truly matter in a life would be to accept salvation through Jesus Christ or, if already accepted, to have done so sooner in life.   And that would make all of those areas better.
  • Although I generally enjoy my field, I have never found a vocation about which I was passionate enough to want to go to work whether or not I was paid. I envy my friends who have found their passion.
  • Would have invested in Google and Microsoft.
  • If I had a "do over" then I would do it all over I would like to start with a blank page and see how the story of my "do over" life would be written.
  • I got my degree at night and it took 10 years from start to finish and I stopped there. Hindsight says that I should have gone days, completed my Bachelors sooner and then gone for my MBA. Other than that, no regrets...have great marriage, my 2 daughters have graced us with terrific grandsons, and except fo the occasional bad day at work that everyone has, I like what I do and I have been able to maintain a fairly good life balance between work and activities outside of work......like I said, "no regrets".
  • I would have loved to have been a pilot in the military, but a minor hearing defect killed my chances of that.
  • "I waited until i was 40 to go thru college (and take care of my 1st daughter -infant!!). by 45 i was a cpa.  were i to do it over again, i would have gone earlier in my 20's and been in the profession at least 15 yrs earlier. that way i would hve ebve more time to hang with my kids (16& 13 now) and perhaps allow my wfe to be home with them vs working full time. and perhaps i would be fortunate enough to be able to enrich others lives in the learning process. or...nothing different at all but settling down earlier."
  • Harvard law school instead of Harvard MBA
  • I would have gone to L.S.U..., just for the experience.   Instead of living at home in New Orleans with my parents and commuting to a local college. Yes, it saved me thousands of dollars in rent and student loans but I often wonder what "life" experiences I missed out on?
  • Take art classes sooner.
  • The one thing I regret the most is not taking a year off between college and my job. While at the time, I figured it would look bad to potential employers, I know realize I'll never have that chance again. I'd have liked to spend that year working as a bar tender in the Keys, or as a server at a National Park in Wyoming, or a maid on a yacht in the Mediterranean. Basically some sort of service job in a beautiful location where I'd get a wonderful experience, meet new people, and not have the same level of stress and worries that I have now. Of course, I'd love to have spent the year hiking through Europe, but due to money, that was never really an option.
  • No major regrets but I might have pursued engineering in college rather than business; otherwise would not change much.   I have been blessed with an Ozzie and Harriett family life, a great husband and wonderful friends.   The older I get the happier I am with my choices.   I would remarry the same guy and still not have kids if given a do-over.
  • I would have had kids in my 30's instead of my 40's.   I would have saved, studied and exercised more and spent, partied and loafed less.   I would not have worn these shoes today... they are killing me!
  • More savings
  • I have had several do-overs in my lifetime already. Going away to college, getting married, having children, living in a foreign country, becoming a widow, moving back to the U.S., going back to school and work, etc. The mere thought of going back in time and having to do something else over makes me tired to think about it. I don't know that I would have changed much, but sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had pursued my fine arts career.
  • I wouldn't have worked so much summers during college.   The semester always ended by April 30 and I would be on the job May 1, gleeful that I had a one month jump on most college students.   Why didn't I take a week off to veg?   I want that time back.   I would also like back the half hour piano practice time.   Those were the longest half hours in my life!   Finally, I would not have spent so much time fighting nap time.   Oh, to have to take a nap today!
  • Been more careful about debt and money - Wish I'd read (and taken seriously) Your Money or Your Life when I was 19!   Also, maybe not listened to the idiots who said girls don't do well in science/math and gone to vet school instead of law school.   BUT, no crying over spilt milk, right!?   Learn and go on.   The joy is in the journey!
  • Been more careful about debt and money - Wish I'd read (and taken seriously) Your Money or Your Life when I was 19!   Also, maybe not listened to the idiots who said girls don't do well in science/math and gone to vet school instead of law school.   BUT, no crying over spilt milk, right!?   Learn and go on.   The joy is in the journey!
  • I regret not going away to school. My kids are getting the away from home experience at school and now I wish I had gone away.
  • I'd do so many things differently that it's impossible to choose just one.   But since every choice impacts so many things throughout our lives, I have to say I would've made different choices in high school - gotten involved in more activities, hung out with a different crowd, been more studious -- those choices would've opened up a greater range of college choices, which would have influenced my career and life direction in a completely different way than it ended up.   Can you tell I'm having a mid-life crisis?
  • I danced in high-school and the first couple years of college, but then stopped. I wish I hadn't - it was a great way to stay fit and a lot of fun.
  • About 10 years ago I got a kayak for fly fishing in the Bay Area. I should have done it 30 years ago! My consolation is that at least I've had 10 years of really fun fishing, often very close to my home in a great city, and plenty more to come!
  • I went to a 2 years business school for accounting because I wasn't aware of scholarships that were available at 4 year colleges (I grew up in a town with a population of 1,300). I would have been much better off with a 4 year degree. I did go on to earn my CPA however. Otherwise I wouldn't change anything else in my life.
  • I would have had more kids.
  • I would have followed my instincts when raising my children rather than listening to "best practices."
  • "One of my big regrets involves a specific car purchase 10 years ago, which caused a chain of events that today leaves me with more debt that I should have.  
  • In general I regret being wishy-washy in certain relationships, about finishing school, a few of the jobs I've had...really, if I had to do the last 12 years over, I would be more confident, more careful about my decisions, and been self-disciplined and used my brain."
  • I would have traveled abroad for a year or two after college.
  • would have sat down with my wife and created a family spending plan as soon as we got back from our honeymoon.
  • Enlist in the military.
  • I do not regret what I have done with my life I love my spouse of 39 years - my kids and life but I do sometimes wish I had gone on to school and gotten my teaching degree and taught school.   I think I would have made a good teacher and summers off would be a bonus!!!
  • I've been fairly good at   not sweating the small sutff during my career.   Thiough I learned a lot doing it, I probably should have gotten off the "corporate" track into a smaller firm much earlier in my career.
  • One summer I was offered a job to work for the Appalachian Mtn Club in New Hampshire.   I opted to stay home with my boyfriend.   What was I thinking? Was I even thinking?   Anyway, if I could repeat one aspect of my life I would take that job and say goodbye to the boyfriend.
  • Although things turned out OK, I would have changed a lot.   Difference college experience, marry later (but hopefully to the same person), different career, etc.   I would have liked to make my high school dreams a reality, but life got in the way.
  • Spent more time with my parents
  • It depends on what level of knowledge I would have to start the "do over".   If I knew then what I know now, I would invest heavily and regularly in Microsoft as it was introduced.
  • I would be a dancer.
  • I'd get a job in the public sector.   After 40 years of working in employee benefits (consultant, recordkeeper, benefits manager, etc.), all with major companies, I can sadly state that I have never been covered by a defined benefit plan.   So here I am at age 62 with no pension, just my 401k savings.   Good thing I listened to all the diversification warnings, eh?
  • college BEFORE marriage and kids
  • I'd be a vet.   At least my patients would be appreciative of my services (or at least not complain).
  • Interesting question.   What I would really like is a line item veto - remove a particular job or experience - but life isn't that way.   If I changed something like that - even something that was miserable (and maybe especially if it was miserable) - it would change something about everything else in my life (like how I decided to take my next job and my perspective when I did take it) and there are parts of my current life that I wouldn't change a bit.   So, I guess my answer is "not a thing" - but that doesn't mean I liked all of it (or even still do) but I like enough of it to keep it this way.
  • I wish that I had not always been so serious and practical.   I would have loved to study history and literature, rather than accounting.   Also, I would have made an effort to travel more.
  • i would like to think i would spend time learning how to balance work and life better....stop and smell the roses per se, ..rather than plan, dig, plant, plan some more, make my own compost, build the irrigation system, hydroponic lights, ...i'd just let the roses bloom and smell them...nahhhhhh...who am i kidding?
  • Follow the Lord more passionately and share His good news of salvation more often
  • Travel more and see new things before job/spouse/kids. Now I am getting too old to travel with only a backpack and a little luck.
  • Generally, I would take more time, have more fun, try to not stress so much and be braver about sticking to my convictions.
  • "Combination of several of the above.   College major, job, spouse.  
  • I would not have a business degree.   I would have majored in journalism and photography and would be working for one of my favorite magazines.   I did not plan to work in HR/Benefits - just happened to be in the wrong place at the right time.   Should have listened to my Dad regarding my spouse.   He was too old for me and I am now a widow with two great sons who are college students."
  • I wouldn't have dated the same girl for the final 3 years of college, only to break up 6 months out of college. What a waste of all those college coeds. Ended up great, met my wife, and have a great family!
  • I'd have more kids, but I also would have traveled more when I had no responsibilities and all the time in the world!
  • Better work/life balance - which might have made a difference in my marriage!

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